


Before There Was Closure

by mldrgrl



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-05-01 08:54:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5199836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mldrgrl/pseuds/mldrgrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing scene in Closure. What happened behind closed doors from when Scully gave Mulder the autopsy results and when Skinner knocked the next morning?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before There Was Closure

“How’s he doing?” Skinner asked.

 

“It’s been a hard night for him,” Scully answered.

 

*********

 

Scully looked up at Mulder with a sad gaze, watching him closely as he first pushed her away from him and then stumbled to the kitchen.  He tipped his chair in his haste to retreat, knocking it back and to the side so that it was balanced precariously on a single back leg, only still half-upright by luck of the positioning of his desk and fish tank.  The fish darted wildly from the unexpected smack of wood against the side of their home. 

 

Pushing herself up from the crouch she had been in, Scully eased the chair back to its natural position and took a glance at the panicked fish.  She picked up the bottle of flakes on the shelf above the tank and shook a few in to distract them. In seconds they had forgotten what frightened them and were scrambling to the surface for their snack. If only people were that easy, Scully mused, listening to the sounds of Mulder in the kitchen. She’d heard a cupboard door slam and the faucet running steadily.

 

Finally, there was silence and then Mulder returned to the living area, shuffling more than stumbling this time. His eyes were red and wet and it looked like it was painful to keep them open.  He was squinting and blinking and sniffing slightly.

 

“You can go home, Scully,” Mulder said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

Scully thought about her response very carefully. She would not be leaving, that she knew for certain, but how to do so without a fight would be tricky. Were their situations reversed, Scully knew she would do everything possible to get Mulder to leave, just as she knew she would need him to stay.  Neither of them wore vulnerability well, though Mulder was better at it than she was, if she was being honest.

 

“I’d rather stay,” Scully finally said, bracing for the inevitable protest.

 

Mulder’s shoulder’s sagged a little and he rubbed his eyes with his knuckles.  He didn’t argue, didn’t say anything, simply shuffled off towards his bedroom without giving Scully another glance and she was left alone with the soft gurgling of the fish tank behind her.  She was surprised by how easy it went.  She expected him to pick a fight and she could deal with that.  She was accustomed to Mulder’s tendency to handle everything in extremes, both the good and the bad.  His anger was always explosive.  His guilt was always consuming.  His dedication was obsessive. This melancholy she felt oozing out of him was more unnerving than anything she had dealt with from him before.  She had expected a battle. 

 

A few moments passed and Scully looked back at the fish again.  “What should I do?” she asked them, whispering quietly.  They ignored her, too busy searching for missed flakes among the rocks at the bottom of the tank.  Taking a deep breath, she slowly began the trek across the living room and into his bedroom.

 

Mulder gave Scully no acknowledgment when she reached his room. He lay on his side, facing the door, and she could see that his eyes were open by the dim light behind her. He had one arm across his chest and his shoulders were hunched as though he was hugging himself. She hesitated in the doorway, wondering if she should go back and turn the lights out in the apartment, but then determined that it wouldn’t make a difference.  Staying in Mulder’s eyesight, she removed her blazer and then her shoulder holster, setting her weapon on top of her folded jacket on top of Mulder’s dresser.  Next, she pulled her shirt out from her pants and then used the edge of Mulder’s dresser for balance to unzip and remove her boots to get more comfortable. Mulder watched her silently.

 

Carefully, Scully eased onto the bed behind Mulder and lay down on her side as well, inches from his back.  As time slowly and silently passed, she watched the subtle lift of his back with every breath.  If she hadn’t been watching so carefully, she may not have noticed the slight hitch in Mulder’s breathing like a barely perceptible spasm.  It didn’t take her long to realize he was crying.

 

Scully put her hand on Mulder’s shoulder. When he didn’t pull away or shrug her off, she dipped her chin and settled her forehead against his back. It took awhile for Mulder’s breathing to even out.  Scully had long since closed her eyes and was starting to fall into a doze when Mulder’s voice startled her.  Her head jerked in surprise and she struggled to open her eyes.

 

“It’s just me,” Mulder said.

 

Scully swallowed, her vocal chords dry and sleepy. “It’s just you what?” she answered, clearing the rasp out of her throat after she replied.

 

“I don’t have a mother.  I don’t have a father.  I don’t have a sister.”

 

Scully took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her brain screamed at her to do something and to say something, but it was difficult to know what to do or what to say. Her hand slipped from Mulder’s shoulder down to his arm, two fingers resting on warm skin and two fingers and a thumb resting on the sleeve of his t-shirt.  Her ring finger nudged under the hem of his sleeve as she stroked his skin with a light touch.  She wanted to move closer to him, to press her body against his warm, solid back and hold him to her.  

 

In times like these, Scully felt limited by the invisible boundaries they’d formed in their partnership.  Mostly, she felt limited by her own cowardice to erase those boundaries.  Mulder had tested those boundaries more times than she could count, and she had pushed him back to his side every time.  It was going to have to be up to her now to cross that line.

 

“You have a Scully,” she finally whispered. “I hope you know that.”

 

The silence that followed stretched into minutes and Scully grew anxious.  Abruptly, Mulder pushed himself out of bed and Scully lifted herself up on her elbow in surprise. He went into his bathroom and shut the door.  The room was utterly quiet and utterly still.  She flopped down onto her back and bit her lip, staring up at the shadows on the ceiling. Her heart thudded almost painfully in her chest.

 

The bathroom door opened and then Mulder was suddenly there, looming over the bed.  “Turn over,” he said, his voice quiet and a little strained.  Scully rolled over after a beat of hesitation, putting her back to Mulder.  She felt the bed dip with his weight and then his chest, warm and solid, pressed against her back. His arm came over her waist and she felt his breath at the back of her neck.  He held her close, curled his fingers with hers and brought their hands to her chest. So much for boundaries, she thought.

 

Mulder didn’t say anything, so Scully didn’t either. It was difficult to relax. All of her concentration was on the feel of his body perfectly framing her own; his cheek resting gently against the top her head, her knees bending over the angle of his, his hips cradling hers, their joined hands fitting nicely in the space between her chin and chest while his arm fit snugly between her breasts.  The intimacy was overwhelming.  It was only slightly okay when in her mind she had been doing the holding, but being held went beyond her comfort zone.  She was always better at giving than receiving.  She rationalized it by telling herself that this is what Mulder has asked for.  If he needed something to hold on to, she could give him that, and it helped her to relax. Eventually she fell asleep.

 

Scully woke with a shiver.  Momentarily disoriented, she quickly rolled up onto her elbows, shaking the sleep away from her foggy brain.  She remembered she was in Mulder’s apartment, in Mulder’s room, in Mulder’s bed, but she was no longer in Mulder’s arms.  She was about to get out of bed to find him, but when she turned onto her hip, she saw him sitting on the floor next to the bed, his back to the opposite wall, arms loosely around his bent legs and head resting on his knees.

 

“Mulder?” Scully asked.

 

“How could she?” Mulder answered, not raising his head.

 

“I wish I could answer that for you, Mulder, I really do.”

 

“I don’t want to hate her, but right now, I do.”

 

“Mulder, come back to bed.” Scully looked for some acknowledgment from Mulder, but he didn’t move.  “Come back up here or I’m coming down there,” she said.

 

Mulder sighed and unfolded himself. It took some time, but he eventually got up off the floor and crawled onto the bed, facing Scully. She scooted back to give him more room and covered his hand with her own where it came to rest by her chin.

 

“I’m tired, Scully.”

 

“Close your eyes.”

 

“I’m tired of not having control of anything.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I…I just…”

 

“Close your eyes,” Scully whispered.

 

Mulder blinked rapidly for a few moments and then squeezed his eyes shut, forehead bunched with tension.  She put her hand on his cheek and pressed her thumb into the space between his pulled brows, rubbing until the worry lines melted away. She moved her hand lower to his jaw, resting her fingers along the side of his neck as she ran her thumb against the side of his nose and along his cheek.  He started speaking softly, lips barely moving, and his eyes remained closed.

 

“I think I used to have a normal family, Scully. One time we were like everyone else. We had barbeques and my dad took us to baseball games.  Fireworks on the 4th of July.  Cotton candy at the circus, that kind of thing.  And then Samantha was gone and my mom wouldn’t even let me leave the house for a year. The fights got worse and just didn’t stop.  My dad left and my mom didn’t speak to me.”

 

Scully smoothed away a tear that spilled from the corner of Mulder’s eye and left a glistening trail down his nose in the moonlight.

 

“Holidays didn’t exist anymore,” he said. “Birthdays were forgotten. No more barbeques and baseball. I don’t know what was worse, the yelling or the silence.  I did everything I could to find my sister for her.”

 

“You’ve done more than anyone ever could, Mulder.”

 

“I just wanted her to forgive me.” Mulder’s voice broke and he sucked his bottom lip up under his front teeth.

 

Scully’s throat tightened with her own tears and she leaned her forehead against Mulder’s, closing her eyes. “Mulder, you were just a little boy,” she whispered.  “None of it was ever your fault.”

 

“I’ve told myself that a thousand times.”

 

“I’ll remind you a thousand more.”

 

Mulder pulled back from her a little and she felt his hand on her cheek.  “Scully…”

 

Scully blindly fumbled to grasp Mulder’s hand and take it from her face.  She groped for his wrist and then pulled his fingers between her own and brought his knuckles to her mouth.  It was time to go out on a limb.

 

“Sometimes it’s so hard to love you, Mulder,” Scully whispered.  “It’s hard to love the man you are knowing how much you went through to become that man. It hurts to think that I love you because you suffered so much.”

 

When Scully finally opened her eyes, the look on Mulder’s face was like she’d just told him she’d believed in aliens the whole time, she’d just been kidding for eight years.  It made her smile slightly, even though she knew she couldn’t disguise the sadness she felt through her watery gaze.  Without thinking any further, she tipped her head and touched her lips to his, tasting their mingled tears at the corner of her mouth.

 

“Scully,” Mulder breathed when she pulled away. His mouth came back to hers and pressed her head down into the bed.  She wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he moved over her.  Their kisses escalated quickly from comfort to passion. Scully couldn’t help the moan that escaped when Mulder’s body slipped so naturally into the inviting space between her thighs.

 

Mulder pulled himself away from Scully, coming up onto his arms above her to stare down at her.  She followed his eyes as they moved over her face and then down to her chest as she breathed heavily.  Very calmly, she began to unbutton her shirt.  She only had three buttons open when Mulder stopped her, coming down onto one elbow and putting his hand over hers, stilling her fingers.

 

“You don’t know how much I want what you’re offering,” Mulder said.

 

“Mulder, I-”

 

“Wait,” he interrupted, shaking his head. “That’s not what I mean. I mean, I want this for us. But, I want it to be because I made you smile, not because I made you cry.”

 

“Sometimes there isn’t much of a difference,” she said, reaching up to touch his face. 

 

“I’m tired, Scully.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I mean I’m tired of it all.”

 

Scully shifted and put her arm around Mulder, bringing his head down to rest against her chest.  He sighed and she broke into gooseflesh when his breath warmed the top of her breast. He traced the collar of her shirt with one finger, his touch like a whisper on her skin.

 

“I haven’t destroyed an opportunity have I?” Mulder asked.

 

“You’ve written a rain check that I intend to cash,” she answered.  Mulder squeezed her tightly.  This time around she fell back to sleep quickly, more comfortable being locked in his arms than before.

 

Scully’s internal alarm woke her early. She stretched coming out of sleep, smiling to herself at the feel of a warm weight across her torso. She was on her back and even though Mulder was no longer draped over her like he had been when she’d fallen asleep, he was still against her, holding her to him, softly stroking her ribs and just grazing the underside of her breast with his thumb. She opened her eyes to Mulder’s gaze.

 

“Did you sleep?” Scully asked.

 

Mulder opened his mouth, hesitated a beat and then shook his head.  Scully sighed and rubbed his arm. They lay quietly until Scully couldn’t put off the need to use the bathroom any longer and she patted Mulder’s arm to let her up.  He seemed reluctant to move, but let her up and she shut herself inside his bathroom only long enough to use the toilet, wash her hands, and steal some of his mouthwash. She noticed her unbuttoned shirt when she checked herself in the mirror and purposefully left it that way in hopes of reassuring Mulder that she intended to keep that door of intimacy open.

 

When she came out of the bathroom, Mulder was on his back, his arm folded over his eyes.  He peeked out from under his elbow at Scully and gave her a slight smile. She smiled back and moved to his dresser to pick up her boots and put them on.

 

“I’m going to get us breakfast,” Scully said, taking a seat on the end of the bed and zipping up her boots.  “I think we should take the day off.”

 

“We?”

 

“Would you rather be alone?” Scully asked, looking over her shoulder at Mulder.  He shook his head.

 

Scully smoothed her slacks down over her boots and stood, coming to the side of the bed as Mulder sat up and swung his feet over the edge.  He sat hunched over until she put a hand under his chin and tilted his face up.  They stared at each other while she ran her fingers through his hair.  Finally, he sighed and wrapped his arms around her hips, pressing his cheek to her chest and hugging her tightly.

 

“Go back to bed, okay?” Scully said. “I’ll be back.”

 

Mulder nodded and loosened his grip, but he didn’t let her go.  He looked back up at her and held her hips.  His eyes dropped to her chest and she watched his face as she slowly closed the three buttons she’d undone in the night.  She held his face with both hands after she was done and Mulder gently squeezed her hips. With a small bend of her knees, she would be able to kiss him.  She didn’t want to start anything again that they couldn’t finish, but a soft good morning kiss would be fine, she thought. 

 

Suddenly, there was a knock on Mulder’s front door and they both jumped.  Scully moved her hands from Mulder’s face to his shoulders and his hands fell to the bed.

 

“I’ll get it,” she murmured, hoping to quickly dismiss whoever had the audacity to call at this hour.  She only had one thought as she strode through the foyer. I hope it’s not Skinner.

 

 

The End


End file.
